you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
