What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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