drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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