Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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