It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
