There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
