College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
