so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
