I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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