come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
