We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
