Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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