Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
