You're completely useless in the revolution.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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