Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
