Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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