did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
