Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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