if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
