Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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