Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
