I faked an abortion last night.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
