She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize