I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
