we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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