i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
