this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
