Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
