is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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