plz talk dirty to me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
