don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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