Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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