I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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