She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
