she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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