Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize