Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
