the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize