I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
