just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
