Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
