He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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