Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
