I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
