Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
