I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
