I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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