whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize