Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
