Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Please, let me fuck your mom
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
