If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
