It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Drunk is a universal language darling
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