the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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