Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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