i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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