guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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