ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Randomize
