Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
