Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize