i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
