Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
