I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
