She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
