Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
