I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
