Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
